My Secret Love Affair (from afar)

It’s obvious (but I’ll point it out anyway) that Catholics invented the term “Guilty Pleasures”. Unless you’re a real freak (and I know some of you reading this are…you know who you are too) how can a pleasure be measured in terms of culpability? It just seems to be a bit harsh for something so trivial. None the less, my recent longing (and craving for a candy bar 10 minutes ago) has brought this diabolical issue to the forefront of my mind.

Let’s get beyond the Ho-Hos and Frappacinos and the like. If you feel the need to sneak food, then I feel sorry for you – not in a way that suggests pity or disgust, but in a true sincere way. It’s food, it’s yummy – live it up and (in the words of one of my favorite comedians and fellow red head) tell the world to suck it – literally!

What if your guilty pleasure costs more than $0.65 in a vending machine or $4.35 at a drive-through? What would the Guilty Pleasure Committee have to say about that? Having been raised Catholic (really I only know enough to have polite conversation and feel guilty), I’m sure they would through that under the gluttony banner and damn me for all eternity. Is my little must-have really worth that? You bet your mass-missing ass it is!

Here it is the small little thing I have been lusting (damn – another sin) after for the last 25 days:

I know it’s been 25 days be cause I have a 30 day return policy on the fine, but not lust-worthy phone I did buy, thus a timeline on which I must act before my dream is crushed. A new phone was my Christmas present from hubby – and as noted earlier, I picked it out, went and bought it myself. I immediately regretted my decision, but said nothing, and was actually rather happy with new phone. Hubby at one point actually said I should go back and get the other one (I don’t think he actually thought it was possible – just threw it out there to be nice). Being the good and obedient wife I am (did you hear that Catholics?) I tried to put the object of my affection out of mind.

Oh, but I couldn’t. I tried, but I can’t control my dreams. I actually dreamt about the entire exchange process and later spinning in a field of flowers with my new iPhone (I’m just not sure why Tiny Tim was there).

Why am I dreaming of this miraculous device? Why don’t I just go get it? Hubby said it was stoooopid and we didn’t need to spend the extra $120 (OK, clarification: he didn’t say stoooopid and really it’s only $20 because I haven’t sent in the $100 rebate on the first phone yet.) This just goes to show he was just being nice before when he threw out I could exchange my phone.

Last weekend while waiting for a movie, I took hubby into the Apple store – all clean, straight lines and adorned with employees who probably normally aren’t that geeky, but throw them into baby blue t-shirts (1 size too small) and an iPod on a rope around their neck and holy-geek-o-meter! I showed hubby the iPhone and expressed how coooool it was, and then five minutes later declared we should leave before I do something drastic. Really that was just another attempt to express my longing for an iPhone.

So that is my guilty pleasure – my lust of a phone. The day dreams, the fantasies. Do I resist the urge and be happy with what I have, or do I rebel against good sense and go for my dreams?

I need your help! Do you go with hubby who says I should stick with my current phone, or me who says "iPhone, iPhone, iPhone!"

Current Score:

Hubby: 1

Me: 5 (me, two people from tech, a buyer, and Tiny Tim)

So, five days and counting…

A New Year; Another Failed Resolution

We are doomed to fail yet again; I’m certain of it. We set ourselves up to fail, so really it’s our own fault. Somewhere in history a group of people got together and decided there is one day in which we must chose a goal and then agonize in every attempt to achieve it within the next 365 days. Yep, it’s the ill-fated New Year’s Resolution. Gym member ships soar, television shopping networks air specials on treadmills, Pilates torture machines, diet food, and daily vitamin packs. Do you see a theme here?? Yep, most of us resolve to lose weight or become healthier in this new year. That makes sense since most of us are overweight.

Losing weight and getting fit was my resolution last year, and the year before that and two years before that (that year in between, my resolution was to be nicer – that one obviously failed too!) Well, here I am a year later and still hanging onto the same 15-20 pounds. I’ve been to the gym (a few times) and I try to eat healthy (ketchup is from the tomato and chocolate is a bean), but I’ve just never made it matter enough. I have found that by making weight loss my resolution, I fail. So I resolve not to lose weight or get fit – did you hear that Baby New Year in your little diaper and sash? Go ahead make me fail once again!

After having a rather scary experience in the emergency room on New Year’s Eve day, I am going to make an honest effort to make health and fitness a priority for my family. Luckily, hubby’s heart didn’t explode, and we should know more after he has a stress test about the causes of his chest pain and other heart attack symptoms. Regardless, it made me realize that I’m not young enough or cute enough anymore to get a good second husband. Really, I’m not. If DH keels over now, I’m looking at the manager of a tire store or the sanitation guy – not good prospects. So in an effort to stave off any second husband nightmares, I need to make sure my little family will be around for a long time.

Don’t get me wrong – there is a box of brownie mix I most certainly intend on whipping up sometime this week, but I’ll share them (maybe). My family has no worries of being thrown into a meatless, carbless, jumping jack crazed life. That’s just not me. My style is more along the lines of suggesting we get Wii – I hear the Wii Fit is a really good workout. (Or having DH shovel the walk.) I will admit to secretly substituting ground turkey for ground beef and pouring Diet Sunkist into hubby’s Sunkist bottle. Maybe I’ll take my friend’s advice and throw flax seed into everything. Then again, maybe not.

Maybe I’ll just resolve to be happy as a chubby person. But if I do lose a bit of weight, get some rock’n’ abs, and a tighter tush, the second husband store offers a much better selection. Good thing for hubby, my motivation isn’t what it used to be, and good thing for me – he’s actually a really great guy!

‘till next time, I’ll be suckin’ it in and wearing more spandex than Olivia Newton John in the ‘80s!