A New Year; Another Failed Resolution

We are doomed to fail yet again; I’m certain of it. We set ourselves up to fail, so really it’s our own fault. Somewhere in history a group of people got together and decided there is one day in which we must chose a goal and then agonize in every attempt to achieve it within the next 365 days. Yep, it’s the ill-fated New Year’s Resolution. Gym member ships soar, television shopping networks air specials on treadmills, Pilates torture machines, diet food, and daily vitamin packs. Do you see a theme here?? Yep, most of us resolve to lose weight or become healthier in this new year. That makes sense since most of us are overweight.

Losing weight and getting fit was my resolution last year, and the year before that and two years before that (that year in between, my resolution was to be nicer – that one obviously failed too!) Well, here I am a year later and still hanging onto the same 15-20 pounds. I’ve been to the gym (a few times) and I try to eat healthy (ketchup is from the tomato and chocolate is a bean), but I’ve just never made it matter enough. I have found that by making weight loss my resolution, I fail. So I resolve not to lose weight or get fit – did you hear that Baby New Year in your little diaper and sash? Go ahead make me fail once again!

After having a rather scary experience in the emergency room on New Year’s Eve day, I am going to make an honest effort to make health and fitness a priority for my family. Luckily, hubby’s heart didn’t explode, and we should know more after he has a stress test about the causes of his chest pain and other heart attack symptoms. Regardless, it made me realize that I’m not young enough or cute enough anymore to get a good second husband. Really, I’m not. If DH keels over now, I’m looking at the manager of a tire store or the sanitation guy – not good prospects. So in an effort to stave off any second husband nightmares, I need to make sure my little family will be around for a long time.

Don’t get me wrong – there is a box of brownie mix I most certainly intend on whipping up sometime this week, but I’ll share them (maybe). My family has no worries of being thrown into a meatless, carbless, jumping jack crazed life. That’s just not me. My style is more along the lines of suggesting we get Wii – I hear the Wii Fit is a really good workout. (Or having DH shovel the walk.) I will admit to secretly substituting ground turkey for ground beef and pouring Diet Sunkist into hubby’s Sunkist bottle. Maybe I’ll take my friend’s advice and throw flax seed into everything. Then again, maybe not.

Maybe I’ll just resolve to be happy as a chubby person. But if I do lose a bit of weight, get some rock’n’ abs, and a tighter tush, the second husband store offers a much better selection. Good thing for hubby, my motivation isn’t what it used to be, and good thing for me – he’s actually a really great guy!

‘till next time, I’ll be suckin’ it in and wearing more spandex than Olivia Newton John in the ‘80s!