Life on Wisteria Lane

I feel a bit like the dead chick on Desperate Housewives when I say, “Things aren’t always what they seem.” Well, they’re not. It took me a long time to figure out what that really means, but as I grow older and reach those points where one should (by society’s standards) have some achievement or acquire some possession, I struggle with having a good understanding of the concept and buying into it. (Was that a really long run-on sentence?)

I remember being newly married with terrible used furniture – you know the left over college crap – and I would go to friends’ apartment and they would have beautiful furniture. Crazy Conclusion: There must be something wrong with me. What a loser I must be to have this crap. I instantly must think of nothing else other than buying “grown-up” furniture. My entire life must be consumed with devising a plan to get real furniture. And here’s what I didn’t know: My friends got their furniture at one of those rent-to-own places – the ones that charge $40 a week for a love seat (or you can buy it for $1200) and after not paying their bill for 6 weeks had everything repossessed.

Then there is the car scenario. I will say this was not precipitated by jealousy, but by necessity. One of our cars blew-up on the interstate 20 miles from the middle of nowhere. It was our old car, so it wasn’t devastating, but we were thrown into shopping for a car without any notice. I wanted a nice car. I’d never had a nice car. Crazy Conclusion: Lots of my friends drive nice cars. Shouldn’t everyone at one point in their life buy a new car – not some used or “pre-owned” car that has had french fries abandoned, burn holes singed and bumpers dented, but a brand-spankin’ new car? “Heck yes they should!” I screamed from the inside (this was me convincing myself to go for the gold.) So we bought the new car. I was thrilled for about one week. And here’s what I didn’t know: I eventually realized that the new car I bought was a station wagon. My friends tried to be nice by calling it a cross-over – but let’s be real, OK. In this new station wagon’s short-46-mile life, it had developed a bad case of the righties and I realized it was burnt orange. So here I was driving a car that screamed, “I wear stirrup pants, competed in Math Bowl in high school and have some muscle control issues.” Oh yea – and several of my friends were paying 12% interest on their nice new car! I should have bought a used Honda sedan – lesson learned.

These are just two examples, but if we think about our everyday life and the people and things that turn us green with envy, we could come up with hundreds more. Doting husbands who gladly give their wives mani-pedis, cook French cuisine and always put the toilet seat down (they’re raging alcoholics who also control their wives’ wardrobe, hairstyle and social life – boy he’s a gem!) The girl at work who can drop anything and go out every weekend, never having to bother with a baby sitter or sick kids (she’s been trying to get pregnant for years and cries every time Aunt Flo comes because once again her dreams have been crushed – a dirty martini just doesn’t look as cute in a new holiday dress.) Your friends who live in the gorgeous new house (they're four months past due on their mortgage and will soon be living in her mom's basement - they're so lucky!)

So let the lesson be learned: We never really know the real circumstances behind others’ lives. Our desire to keep up with Joneses is most often based on false pretenses. Happiness obtained through image and the hope that someone will notice is short lived. Happiness by way of hard work, self-pride and contentment is ever-lasting.