The Ugly Side of Black Friday

I'm not a big shopper. I get light-headed, flushed and clammy whenever I go. I know, I know, I must be missing some chromosome that allows women to shop endlessly. I don't typically do the Black Friday shop-a-thon, but this year, I gave it a try.

I didn't have a three page list of things I wanted. There were only two. The 25th Anniversary Cabbage Patch Doll and a Leapfrog Leapster. Last night I headed to Walmart to do a little recon. You see, Walmart is open 24 hours a day, so I wasn't sure how they would do this 5AM sale thing. I perused the aisles and located an employee. Nonchalantly, I asked, "Hey, how are you guys going to coordinate the sale tomorrow morning, being that you're open all night?" Very nicely, but with a bit of annoyance, he said, "We'll bring the pallets out wrapped in black plastic. We won't unwrap them until 5AM." That was good enough for me; so off I went to get a few hours of sleep before I would have to return to claim my treasure.

This morning, dark and early, I arrived at Walmart fearing I would be too late. I was immediately disappointed when I saw that I would have to choose: the 25th Anniversary Cabbage Patch Doll or the Leapfrog Leapster The Leapfrog Leapster was the better value so I reluctantly said farewell to the babies wrapped in thick black plastic. Once I located the correct pallet, I was pleased to see only about 6 others were there as well. We waited patiently, each planning our strategy to get our Leapfrog Leapster. Pink or green? Top row or bottom row? That guy wants me to grab him one as well - should I be a good fellow shopper or is it save yourself? Pink, bottom and save yourself!

The clock was ticking, the adrenaline was pumping, but we were all doing our best to be patient. Then at about 4:50, some woman pushed her way to the front next to me. She feverishly starts ripping the black plastic apart. The rest of the crowd looks at her and joins in. This is where the mayhem ensued. The crazy woman is now on her hands and knees trying to get the product on the bottom shelf. I get my pink Leapfrog Leapster and then decide to help out the gentleman who asked me to grab him one. I reach down to grab a green one - he gets what he gets and beggars can't be choosers! As I grab it, the crazy woman bites me! That's right, she bites me on the wrist. I look at her in total shock and disgust and without any cooperation from my brain, my left foot quickly stomps down on her hand.

Wounded and humiliated, I hand the green Leapfrog Leapster to the gentleman and make my way to the checkout. I pay the nice lady at the register and head off into the sunrise (OK, it was 2 hours before the sunrise). At 5:05AM, I walk into my cubical at work - an Internet retailer. I have a new-found appreciation for shopping online! I encourage all of you to be safe this holiday season: shop online!